as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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