I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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