so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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