Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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