if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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