I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
