yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
