If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
