So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
