I puked a lego.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
