guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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