Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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