He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize