My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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