I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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