he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
