who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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