I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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