he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
