Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
