hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
