he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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