If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
