real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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