You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize