I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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