I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
