we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
