K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
