I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
