put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
