You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have feelings that need drinking.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
