I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You need a sexual gate keeper
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
