hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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