My room smells like vodka and shame
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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