remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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