Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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