Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
