It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
