we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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