Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
