Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
