I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
