My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
