one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize