shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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