I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
