This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
