I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
