An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize