I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
