..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
