Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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