I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm too high and old for this...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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