I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
soo... how was my night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
