omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
