Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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