OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
