I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
