so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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