When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize