A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
