Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
