i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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