Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
