Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
