I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
