im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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