I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
