you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
