I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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