Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize