Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize