why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
