Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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