I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
