Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I cockslap morals
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
